S is for Shakespeare

S is for Shakespeare…in Middle School

Today I’m proud to allow my daughter, Jaime, post the “S” for Shakespeare. She is a 7^th and 8^th grade English and Humanities teacher, and loves her work. Her kids are working on Shakespeare.

Shakespeare’s death day, his exact birthdate unknown, was the other day – April 23^rd, 1616. I maintain he was an Aries, although I’ve no physical, metaphysical, logical or otherwise relevant proof…I maintain he was an Aries simply for the fact that prior to 2010 Shakespeare and I had a long and disharmonious relationship. Did I mention I’m an Aries – stubborn, strong-willed and logger-headed (all three words that mean ‘stubborn’). Simply put, I hated everything Shakespearean because I couldn’t understand it.

However, after a Bachelors degree in History, a Masters degree in teaching and several years teaching English, I’ve come to know, respect and, to a degree, love the bard. Regardless of whether or not you are a fan, there is something to be said for his ability to turn a phrase and insult people with wildly hilarious and totally inappropriate language.

Finding myself teaching middle school this year, I harkened back to my days as a hormone raging, acne prone, uncomfortable and irritable teenager. As I said before, I loathed Shakespeare simply for the fact that I just didn’t get it, and despite my protestations, I still had to read Romeo & Juliette, Hamlet and something else I’ve blocked out completely…I suppose the memories were just TOO bad.

Rather than repeat my high school experience, I decided to approach Shakespeare on his own turf – he likes to turn a phrase? HA! By George, we will, too! Thus the Shakespearean Insults were born. Each day my 8^th graders come to class, I give them a new insult, today’s: Fie, fie you counterfeit cloak-bag, you puke stocking! They feverishly work for 2 minutes trying to figure out what it means – for some of them this is the only 2 minutes of the entire day when they will actually do work. We share our insults on the whiteboards at each table, and I read every one of them aloud. Now…being in middle school, they’ve naturally figured out that I’ll read just about anything, thus the following responses have left my mouth:

-       You are a puss infested toe on a hawt summa’ daaayyyy.

-       You are a donkey’s fart hole.

-       You are a stinky fart under my foot.

-       You are a drunken farting man (it seems this table likes farts).

-       Go away you drunken butthole.

We really do have fun with these insults – the conversations we have are pretty hilarious:

“Gleeking means?” I asked two weeks ago. 

“Spitting!!”

“Close…when you spit on someone you are….”

“Spitting?!” 

“No, you are teasing and taunting them.” I receive a few nods and ‘ah’s.’ “Now, brazen-faced means what?”

“Brazen!”

Backstory…three weeks ago a friend of mine visited our classroom. One of my students took class-time during this lesson to ask the question… “is he your boyfriend?!” Deciding this was a perfect time to address ‘brazen’ I used her as an example. 

“When Y (Insert student name) asked me ‘is that guy your boyfriend?!’ she was asking in a totally brazen way. She was unashamed, unembarrassed and shameless, right?”

“Huh, so she didn’t really care if it would embarrass you, so she just asked?” someone clarified. Apparently, this example totally made sense…I’m so glad my personal embarrassment has led to some sort of learning. 

“Yes…it’s sort of like when I walk in here and say, ‘man I’m sweating sooo much’ and then show you the sweat marks on my shirt,” I reply, using yet another example from my personal life.

“Yeah, we get it hambone…just don’t do that again.” Hmm…

“Flax is…”

“A seed!” Star pupil X. “And a wench is a babe or a hoe…so she’s a seed hoe! No wait, a seed prostitute!” 

I roll my eyes…“well in a manner yes, but no. Why can’t you just say ‘seed babe’?” We discussed the thing to death, and discovered that by taking out the word ‘flax’ the insult totally made sense: Gleeking, brazen-faced flax-wench = A taunting/joking, shameless babe.

I’ve had entirely way too much fun teaching the language aspect of Shakespeare, and I think my students have as well. I suppose it’s an effort to reach those kids who, like me, just didn’t get it. But, what’s emerged from this is a group of highly intellectual, critical thinking, button-pushing 14 year-olds who can insult you using awesome language like it’s nobody’s business. In doing this, I feel I’ve addressed most of the “I don’t get it” types and have engaged them in a way that I would have wanted to learn, in a way that I would have totally been hooked to old English and atrocious sentence structure.

For all the wonderful things we do, unfortunately being a teacher, there are so many things we have to do in a day – “we wear a lot of hats” as we say in the staff lounge. It is doubly unfortunate that during any day, because we are pulled in so many differing directions, we cannot devote the time and our energies to each and every student who needs that one-on-one connection for understanding. There are young adults who, like me at that age, don’t understand, won’t ask for help and are simply content to carry on, ignorant. Sometimes it’s easier to do that then to ask ‘why’ or ask for help.

So, I’ll end with a shameless plug! Go talk to your children, your grandchildren. Find out what they are struggling with, find out what they don’t know…and then TELL US! E-mail us, call us, drop in to our offices and pester us! When it comes to education, there’s nothing more important than our own. As mom says, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease,” and just think back to a time when you were too scared to ask for clarification. Had I been willing to embrace the radtasticalness of Shakespeare, I might have had an entirely different love affair…

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QR Codes

Back to finishing up the A-Z Blog, and welcome back.

Here's what Wikipedia says about QR Codes:

The QR code was invented in Japan by the Toyota subsidiary Denso Wave in 1994 to track vehicles during manufacture. It was designed to allow high-speed component scanning. It has since become one of the most popular types of two-dimensional barcodes.

Unlike the older one-dimensional barcode that was designed to be mechanically scanned by a narrow beam of light to extract data, the QR code is detected as a 2-dimensional digital image by a semiconductor image sensor and is then digitally analyzed by a programmed processor. The processor locates the three distinctive squares at the corners of the image, and uses a smaller square near the fourth corner to normalize the image for size, orientation, and angle of viewing. The small dots are then converted to binary numbers and validity checked with an error-correcting code.

You can create your own QR Codes by clicking one site here.

At my local Starbuck's, you can wait for your latte and scan listings of houses for sale in Santa Rosa. You hold up your phone, point and click. A smart broker has QR Codes displayed at the window just past the pickup counter. Quite brilliant. No wasted time for busy people on the go.

I'm waiting for the day when you can click on a QR Code and get transported to someplace sunny and warm. Beam me up, Scotty.

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P is for Petaluma, P Town, Butter and Eggs Days and all things Sonoma County

Welcome back to the A-Z challenge blog and the world of wonderful bloggers. There are over 1500 other writers who are doing this month-long challenge to do a blog for every letter of the alphabet. As you can see, I'm a couple of days behind. But, like everything else in life, I go for the thrill of getting things done last minute. Adrenaline junkie over here. Yes, even with my writing.

Petaluma is a great little big town. This weekend is the Butter and Egg Days parade, where one year my husband dressed up as a chicken and rode on the back of a convertable, waving to the crowd, alongside a judge candidate, who lost. That probably has more to do with the costume than the candidate.

Petaluma is most recently known for its Little League team who came home winners, got a parade worthy of returning veterans, personal escorts by the Oakland A's, and a lot of good old regular folks congratulating them on a job well done. They won everyone's hearts, even though they were defeated by Japan.

Petaluma is a decent town with nice old buildings looking like Mayberry USA. American Graffiti was filmed here. Peggy Sue Got Married too (they actually filmed a scene on our front porch in Sebastopol).

Every year there is a Peggy Sue car rally that closes down the main drag (yes, when I was early married, my husband and I used to tool down Petaluma Boulevard, and 4th Street Santa Rosa, just like in American Graffiti). It is a rally that rivals some of the ones in Reno I've been to. Very few professional collectors, mostly firemen and construction workers and their kids fixing up hot rods, spending way too much money on chrome and paint, and generally having fun. The stuff of life.

I'm really lucky to be living here in beautiful Sonoma County. Petaluma

is truly one of its treasures. A city that remembers the past as it launches into the future. I mean, isn't it great that a town would give a parade to a bunch of 10 year old boys?

Maybe I'll see you there this weekend at the Butter and Egg Days parade. We'll get sunburned together.

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O is for O La La!

We had an unexpected fun day yesterday. After running some errands in the morning (I can spend a fortune in a tractor or farm supply store), we had lunch. Our latest Sunset Magazine was at the mailbox, and we noticed an article on Airstream Hotels. Yes, hotel rooms where you can rent an Airstream trailer for the night. Voila, there was one in Petaluma.

The Metro Hotel is a quaint little place south of town, and in the backyard there are two beautiful shiny Airstream trailers for rent. The hotel is done in French style, and O La La, did it get the ideas flowing. I've been looking for a writing cottage, even put a down payment on a shed. But now I want an Airstream in my backyard. To write in. To take naps in. To play great music in. To just daydream away from all the things in the house that take me away from my fantasy life. I want to write in a place where I don't pay bills, or do the business of being a writer.

But first, the Metro Hotel. The colors are inspiring. Look at that red, that brilliant blue. Look at the old piano and the antiques. they have an old child's desk in front of an old blackboard in a room overlooking gardens. All the eclectic things I love.

So, all the color got me thinking about Milk Paint (yes, made with milk, non-toxic, they say).  I found a paint store in San Rafael, JACKSONs, and O La La, what a place! Bought some bright red milk paint to try to match the outside of the Metro Hotel, and some bright orange, turquoise for the piano I'm going to paint and leave in my entryway. I've been trying to get rid of that big upright for over 2 years and don't want to pay to move it, or have it tuned. So, it's going to be painted turquoise or red and left in our entryway. And we're going to put a projector and screen and show movies there. Yes, in our entryway.

Looking at tractors and galvanized troughs for planting beds, tomato cages and special garden tools sends me into orgasmic fits of.....whatever. Working the soil does the same. Picking my organic flowers and vegetables too. But the thought of making my entryway an eclectic fun place to be, and having a writing cottage made out of an old Airstream excites me no end. We're even thinking about an Airstream campground on our property for guests. Writer's retreats? You name it, I'm excited by all the possibilities.

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N is for Navy SEAL Prayer

1. By Reverend E.J. McMalhon S.J. LCDR, CHC, USN
   
   Awards Ceremony SEAL Team One 
   
   1975 At NAB, Coronado

Dear FATHER IN HEAVEN,

If I may respectfully say so sometimes you are a strange God. Though you love all mankind, It seems you have a special predilections too.

You seem to love those men who can stand up alone who face impossible odds, Who challenge every bully and every tyrant ~

Those men who know the heat and loneliness of a calvary. Possibly you cherish men of this stamp because you recognize the mark of your only son in them.

Since this unique group of men known as the SEALs know calvary and suffering, teach them now the mystery of the resurrection ~ that they are indestructible, that they will live forever because of their deep faith in you.

And when they do come to heaven, may I respectfully warn you, Dear Father, they also know how to celebrate. So please be ready for them when they insert under your pearly gates.

Bless them, their devoted Families and their Country on this glorious occasion.

We ask this through the merits of your Son, Christ Jesus the Lord, Amen."

Only Easy Day Was Yesterday….

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M is for Marliss Melton

We live in an exciting time and place. Because of the internet, I have been able to forge friendships with people I might never meet. Luckily for me, sometimes I get that rare opportunity to meet a truly inspirational person, a fellow traveler on this writing journey. And she writes about Navy SEALs, like I do.

I can remember the evening I picked up that first book of hers, I think it was Forget Me Not. I had never read a military romance, and I'd just come from the San Francisco Writer's Conference and someone did a panel on genres. I think it was Brenda Novak who told me about military romance, and recommended Marliss and Suzanne Brockman. I bought Marliss' book first, and I was hooked.

Up until that day, all my reading had been classics,
with a healthy dose of paranormal. I was an avid fan of Diana Gabaldon, but Anne Rice was my obsession, until the latter books, when my tastes shifted. Marliss opened the door to the SEAL community I knew a little about already, and I dipped my toe in the water, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Just like anything, when one person does something, it makes it easier for others to follow. She has her heroes too. She also has a loyal following, like me, wherever she goes. It is truly an honor and a priviledge to call her friend.

None of us write in a vacuum. Yes, we compete for the same reader dollar, but not really. We give a few hours of enjoyment to people, but it takes us way more than a few hours to write a good book, have it edited and get it out to the public. So, of course, there are other writers who write the same genre and their success leads to all our success, collectively.

There are so many opportunities for writers these days. The great Diedre Knight spoke at our SF RWA meeting on Saturday. She was excited by the possibilities out there. Our future is indeed bright. Lots of stories to tell, and, thank God, lots of vehicles of delivery.

What we bring will always be in style, no matter what goes on in the world. We bring fantasy and healing to a world in need of it. There simply isn't a better job in the universe. I sometimes forget, but for today, I remember all of it.


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L is for Life Finds A Way

Spent the last couple of days being really down. I know all the tricks and gimmicks. I kept doing the things that I know eventually will bring me out of this funk. But last night, I didn't want to even look at my computer.

Surprise, surprise, this morning the power was out. So, no computer, no water for shower, no emails to check, no way, except for my cell, to talk to anyone. What was amazing to me was that it was exactly what I needed to do: UNPLUG.

There is so much on the news, I'm just not participating. I do care deeply. I want justice for whomever did the deadly bombing. I want God to tell me why this had to happen. I just wasn't in a very grateful state of mind. My spiritual side was on empty. I'd just spent a couple of days being high as a kite, imagining the possibilities, and now I'm feeling silly for having ever been so happy.

Which of course is silly. Life goes on. I will never know the answers to all of the things that occur, all the curve balls that are thrown at me. God has a sick sense of humor, sometimes.

A couple of my children and grandchildren are going through some heavy times these days. God, I think that hurts more than if it was happening to me. As my good friend says, "I get my Wonder Woman wristbands and repel the shots." I can handle things that come at me. When they involve one of my kids, or my family, that's when it hurts the most.

Now I'm missing my dad. I'm wishing I could trade places, fix the problems, wave my magic wand, make the Happily Ever After come to real life, rather than in my stories. Somehow, it seems counterintuitive to write about romance when I'm sad.

But, I'm going to mine it. Deep. Hard. Raw. I'm going to feel it and not run away from it. In the circle of life, the cycle of life, death and all things in between, is the miracle of just being present to the world. I'm going to stay right in the middle, instead of at the outsides, running away, where all the predators pick off the strays.

And I know life will, in fact, find a way. The miracles are still here. I'm just distracted. In the meantime, I live in faith and hope for a brighter day, and some understanding of why it had to happen this way.

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K is for Knowing When to Write

I've been lucky enough to be exposed to some pretty great writers. I look at this room, which is in Pacific Grove, California, and just sitting here in this restaurant makes me want to write. I came upon this place on the trip down the night before to hear my friend, Tina Folsom, speak to the Monterey chapter of RWA. On the trip down, driving through row upon row of recently harvested fields of broccoli and cabbage, the air was thick with that smell. If you've harvested a cabbage from your own garden, you know that smell. I used it in the prequel story I was finishing, SEAL Endeavor, which was the companion to Fallen SEAL Legacy. My characters go to Monterey to visit the aquarium, on their way to look at a drone in Silicon Valley.

I also got the idea for another romance, not in the series I've written so far, and got inspired to do a couple chapters towards that one I'll finish some time this year. A just for fun tale about a second chance romance with older lovers.

My friend Susan Speers recommended a book to me, Steal Like An Artist, and in this book it talks about all kinds of ways we get inspiration. It is true, no story is ever written in a vacuum. It is one of the reasons why I decided to go ahead and go to the RT Convention this year, when my rational brain says I need to get this book finished, and have too many other things to do. I've decided I cannot afford not to. I need the time with my peers, to be inspired, to share stories and methods, and just hear the hope and fun that comes from a gathering of writers. Despite any of the bad news recently, when writers get together, it generally is a wonderful time. And you never can beat the stories.

So, when do we write? Every day. It is the sort of discipline that separates us from the hobby writers. Anyone can write, should write, has something to say. Writing helps us heal. Helps us get in touch with other readers and writers. But if writing is a profession and not an occasional thing taken on by whim, it should be done every day. The knife has to remain sharp.

Like in my SEALs, they train every day. They train even though they may not be deployed for six months or more. They train like they're going overseas next week. That's how you prepare.

Writing is the same. Who knows when this day would produce a character that you need, some secondary character who could take over and become the hero or heroine in the next book? I love it when that happens.

But again, that doesn't happen unless we write every day. Some days it is a blog. Most days, it is a chapter or two. And that's what makes it a profession. It becomes our mission. The more we do it, the better we get.

So when do we write? All the time. Every day.

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J is for Jimmy Thomas. Still the Sexiest Man In Print!

This is a reprint of a blog I did back in 2010. It was an interview with Jimmy Thomas, cover model, actor, martial arts practitioner and all round great marketing guru. No matter how you slice it, Jimmy Thomas is probably one of the sexiest cover models out there. And the most prolific. I think he's over 2000 covers now, and counting.

And although some people take pot shots at him right and left, I can't help but admire his business accumen and the relentless hard work that has gone into building his career. I don't know anyone else who works so hard at doing what he does.

So, Mr. Jimmy Thomas - you are the Sexiest Man in my book, today. You make my stories sell. I would consider buying any book with you on the cover. I've had friends that think you can't have the same model on every book, and I don't care. I really don't. I like him there. He's on my blog. He's on every cover I have, but one. And guess what - that one doesn't sell 1/10 as many books as the others. I have your autographed calendar, and I love looking at your pictures.

So here's the interview he gave me two years ago. Some of his stats have changed in this period of time since. But not the man. The person behind the picture is still the same. That's why we love him:

Something Tasty This Way Comes: Jimmy Thomas Interview

Jimmy Thomas has graced over 1000 book covers (now over 3000 5000), on his way to obliterating the competition. He is not only a model, but is a personal trainer, an actor, and has studied extensively and competed in several martial arts disciplines.

I wanted to present a different glimpse of the man, his passions, and some funny stories about his photo shoots.

What do you look for in a woman?

JT: Confidence, sincerity, non-jealous, respect, beauty. I want someone who takes care of herself internally (eats healthy) and externally (exercise or is active in something physical), who is passionate, someone who loves animals and children. I love women who are fun, adventurous, spontaneous, easy going, down to earth, a bit tomboyish. Prefer a Cancer, Scorpio or a Virgo… my most compatible zodiac signs

Would you consider dating an older woman?

JT: About 50% of the women I date are older than me

What would be your max age difference?

JT: It’s not about age, it’s about maturity, how well they take care of themselves, how we get along, if we have great conversations, etc.

What would a date with you involve?

JT: Depends on the date, could be dinner and a movie, a day at a theme park, hiking, camping, a picnic, or cuddling up to a movie rental and a bottle of wine.

What type of covers/photo shoots do you enjoy doing most?

JT: Sensual and Erotica. They have the most passion in them.  I’m VERY passionate and love it when a woman expresses her passion in the physical form and facial expressiveness.

What do you like to read and why?

JT: My emails, lol.  I read only one book throughout high school (Old Man And The Sea), just to see if I could finish. I read Jurassic Park before the movie came out–was hounded over and over again by a friend that I read it. I thought it was GREAT.  I’ve never had the patience for reading though. I’d much prefer watching a movie made from the book instead.  I read books when I’m on a plane. I’m so busy now with my career, I don’t have leisure time to pick up a book and start reading it cover to cover. I nibble on them.

What are your favorite movies, TV shows, types of music, etc?

JT: Action adventure, sci-fi blockbuster thriller movies!  For TV… House, Chuck, Two And A Half Men and True Blood. I DVR and watch them when I can. For music, anything upbeat, full of energy, high/fast-paced, dance-type music. Music like that motivates and energizes me.

What’s the most erotic cover you’ve ever done?

JT: MANY!  Sexathon, Whenever We Meet,Simmering Seductions, A Christmas Interlude,Afterlife, many, many more!


Were you ever embarrassed about taking your clothes off, or nearly naked?

JT: During a photo shoot?  Embarrassed no, shy? Yes.

Sexiest song?

JT: Chris Isaac’s “Wicked Game”

How did you get started?

JT: My sister did a few photo shoots that came out great and she suggested I should as well. I thought “Hmmm???… Nah!” My ex-girlfriend taught Taekwondo and cardio kickboxing classes and we ran into each other. I was heavy into weight-lifting, mentioned that I wanted to lean-up but hated cardio, and she suggested I take her cardio kickboxing classes. I thought “Hmmm???… Nah!”

Then I was out at a night club and the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen in my life (still to this day), walked up to be with a huge smile, (I instantly looked behind me to see who she was looking at, lol…) and her first words were, “Tell me you model?!?!?”

I chuckled, looked behind me again, and said “Ahhh, no. Why?”

She said, “You need to and should!”

We hit it off, began dating. She fell in love with me but, for some strange reason, I couldn’t fall in love with her… bad timing I guess *shrugs*. But, her suggesting, or rather insisting, that I model, had me take my ex’s cardio kickboxing class to lean up. I shot with my sister’s photographer, and that is where it all began

What is your favorite cover–? Why?

JT: This changes almost monthly as new covers come out (I’m currently on about 30 new covers each week).  Initially, my favorite cover was my first one Solar Heat, then Seducing The Sheriff, Lucas. There have been so many I really liked, but recently I was sent Carly & the New Foreman which blew me away. A few more that really stood out: Love Immortal, Who’s Been Sleeping in Her Bed, Tatiana, Solstice Seduction, Dying Assassin and Araton’s Destiny.

There are so many more between the beginning and now, and I know there will be plenty more. Just like how we all had a favorite movie in high school. May not be our favorite movie now, but it is still in your “favorites” category. I could never have just one favorite cover–I’ve been on nearly 800 covers.

Have you ever been so turned on during a shoot you got an erection? How did you deal with it?

JT: Only if/when a girl is um, groping my junk. Otherwise, my mind is so much on getting great images. I have to focus on us both being in our key lights, not shadowing each other. Our hand and arm placement being correct, our hair not being messed or blocking our faces, her hair length as well as mine always showing. Wardrobe not being wrinkled twisted or messed up. Our expressions being together, while still staying in a romantic, sensual, seductive, sexy character. There’s also stopping often as my photographer adjusts his lighting when we move into a different position. It’s not like we turn on a few lights in our direction and he just clicks non-stop as we do whatever we want.

As for how did I deal with the times I have been aroused, I simply went with it and let her do what she wanted to do   I’m single, who am I to stop her… she’s in character dammit!

How many disciplines of martial arts do you study? What’s your favorite and why?

JT: Kenpo Karate was my first and foremost style, but I’ve also studied Jujitsu, Shotokan, Taekwondo and Kickboxing, with Kenpo and Kickboxing being my favorites!

What makes a sexy cover? Erotic cover?

JT: Chemistry, passion, a strong and real connection between the two models. It’s not just posing in a position that looks hot. That chemistry can be shown in the facial expressions, in the body language, hand positioning, head tilts, etc. So many different variables make up great couples’ images… those variables I only give away to my co-models so that they do them

What was your most romantic date?

JT: Hmmm, how can I answer this on an “Erotic” blog?    All my dates are romantic. I don’t label being romantic necessarily by specific things you do that are listed as romantic (romance 101 things). For me it is about how I converse with a woman, hold her, look at her, caress her, kiss her and move with her. These are the reasons why I am told I am romantic, as well as the little things I do; although those things are then seen more as sweet

What makes a woman sexy? At any age?

JT: Confidence! A woman who knows what she wants and voices it, expresses it.

What about the male form is sexy, in your opinion?

JT: Holding his sexiness in a great, confident posture. You could be thin and toned or big and broad, but if you stand and walk with sincere confidence, not arrogance, then you are very appealing to others.

Can you share with us your hottest or raciest cover? Photo?

JT: I guess that is in the eye of the beholder. Look on my facebook page in my Cover Albums for your favorite raciest cover (www.facebook.com/JimmyThomasDotCom), or through all my images on my stock image website www.RomanceNovelCovers.com.  You tell me    THE raciest photo of me is not publicly shown anywhere, nor will it be  (Ed note: good answer, Jimmy. He’s such a politician.)

Thanks,
Jimmy Thomas

Jimmy Thomas Fitness, Print & Romance Novel Cover Model (794 covers)
NASM Certified Personal Trainer (since 1998)
Self Defense & Kickboxing Instructor (since 1992)
www.JimmyThomas.comwww.RomanceNovelCovers.comwww.modelmayhem.com/jimmythomaswww.facebook.com/JimmyThomasDotCom

Don't miss the Romance Novel Convention JT is hosting in Las Vegas in August. I'll be there...Look at the lineup of great authors/presenters! Join us.

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